Take A Pun, Leave A Pun

I love ewe Announcing the Take A Pun,

 Leave A Pun program

The process is simple – add your favorite pun as a comment below with a link to your web page. If the pun is good, er, I mean bad (the worse the better, I’m talking about bad puns that not only make you roll your eyes but can cause physical pain – truly bad puns) I will insert it into the article including your link to your web site. That’s it! Enjoy the bad puns on this page and make sure to leave one for others to enjoy!

Quotes by Douglas Adams English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase ‘As pretty as an Airport’ appear.

Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.

Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.

See things as you want them to be

How can you make your dream come true, if you don’t have one?

Visualize your goals and your subconscious will begin to work toward making your mental pictures come true.

You’ll gradually grow into any condition you desire, provided you adjust your mental attitude to mirror the person who corresponds to those conditions.

Look at things as they can be

Your range of available choices right now has no limits.

The only limits you have are in your mind.

You’ve got it in you to succeed.

Just make up your mind and stick with it.

Always be prepared for success

There is no shortage of opportunity.

Everyday you’re presented with countless opportunities to be, or do whatever you desire.

Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.

Don’t miss out on an opportunity because you’re not prepared.

Top 50 Motivational Quotations for Father’s Day

  • “My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.” — Louis Adamic
  • ‘Honour thy father and thy mother’ stands written among the three laws of most revered righteousness.” — Aeschylus
  • “Father asked us what was God’s noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are.” — Louisa May Alcott
  • “I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well.” — Alexander the Great
  • “Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do…but she’s certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.” — Anonymous
  • “A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.” — Enid Bagnold
  • “If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.” — Bill Cosby

The fire of life is desire

It is all about learning to love
If you want something badly enough, you’re sure to get it.

Your desires will in time externalize themselves into concrete fact.

Is Facebook Killing Your Career?

The Internet Is Forever

Anyone that spends time online, including using social media such as Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Squidoo, YouTube, the list is endless, needs to understand that everything they post online can and will come back to haunt them.

Can you think of anything you did in the past that you regret?  Imagine having that come up on a Google search complete with pictures and video.  I still run into forum posts I made from the mid 90s.  Thankfully, they are mainly posts about building a home theater.

This is so important to remember – the Internet is forever and you should care about what you say online.  I have a motto I follow whenever writing anything online:

“If it feels good to write it then it is bad for business”

Even More Bad Puns

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to reading blogs along comes yet another post filled with truly awful jokes, puns and one-liners.  If it helps, think of this as a “health and wellness” page since laughing is so important to feeling great!  Enjoy

Punny One Liners:

  • When an agnostic dies, does he go to the “great perhaps”?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
  • Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2
  • If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?

Before You Can Change The World You MUST Change Yourself

This is an inscription on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abbey:

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world.

As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change –

So I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country,

but it too seemed immovable.

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